Fighting Blind Page 9

  Theo must have caught the tension between us, because he turns and frowns. “You okay?”

  I nod, not able to speak.

  Moody pushes past Theo, continuing to mutter under his breath.

  I start to shut the door, but Theo stops me.

  “I’ll come back later.” His hand brushes overs Logan’s curls. “Feel better, Princess.”

  “E-O,” she mumbles past her thumb.

  He sighs. “We’re going to have to work on that.”

  I know what he means, and it makes my stomach clench. I don’t know if I’m ready for her to call him daddy. It’ll change everything. Make it all that much more real.

  But she is his daughter. I’ve already taken so much from him, and it’s obvious he wants a relationship with her.

  How can I deny him that? Deny either of them that?

  The realization of how selfish I’ve been slams into me, hard.

  “You coming man?” Moody yells from the bottom of the stairs.

  I’m starting not to like the guy.

  Theo exhales heavily, then follows after him.

  I close the door, locking the deadbolt, my new reality sinking in.

  No matter what happens, I now know that leaving with Logan isn’t a possibility.

  Chapter 15

  Mackenzie

  Standing in front of Theo’s apartment, my entire body trembles.

  I have to do this. No more secrets.

  Clair has Logan for the night, giving me the chance to finally talk to him alone.

  He leaves for Vegas in the morning. I probably should wait until after his fight, but I’m tired of hiding. I just want everything out in the open, then I’ll know where he stands – with me, with us.

  I haven’t told Clair about Stef or the drugs, but I know she’s suspicious that something is going on. She keeps asking me what my plans are, as if she’s afraid I’m going to take Logan and run.

  I won’t. I’ve already come to terms with the fact that I can’t take my daughter away from her father and grandmother – no matter what I have to sacrifice to make it happen.

  Yesterday I had an interview at Charlie’s. The bar’s under new management, but the owner hired me on the spot.

  Starting next Thursday, I’ll be working two night shifts and one dinner shift a week.

  I’m not sure how I feel about it. I know I should be excited, but to be honest, I’m terrified.

  Other than the disjuncture between Theo and me, things are going well. Too well. And if the past is any indication of the future, I know it’s just a matter of time before reality bites me on the ass.

  I just hope I’m prepared when it happens. I’ve let Theo lower my walls, and it’s a dangerous place to be.

  But no matter how many times I go over every scenario, I know I’ll never really be prepared when Stefano finds me.

  With my heart in my throat, I knock on the door.

  My breath catches when he opens the door. He’s clearly just gotten out of the shower. His dark hair is damp, gray sweats hang loose on his hips, the leanly muscled contours of his chest and abs glistens with moisture.

  “Is Logan okay?” he asks, brows furrowed, looking over my shoulder at my apartment door.

  “She’s fine. Your mom’s watching her.”

  “Oh.” He frowns glancing down at me, and combs his fingers through his hair, making his biceps bunch.

  His dark eyes are hard, distant.

  “I just…” I look down at the floor. Damn it. What am I doing here? He clearly doesn’t want to see me. “Never mind. I know you’re busy.”

  I start to turn.

  “Mackenzie.” His deep voice, and the use of my full name, stops me. “Come in.”

  “Are you sure?”

  His expression softens, just enough that I notice, and he nods, opening the door wider.

  I move past, careful not to brush against him, but I can feel the heat of his body behind me as I walk into the large open kitchen.

  He pulls two Heinekens from the fridge, uncaps them and hands one to me.

  “Do you want a glass?”

  “No, this is fine.” I stare at the green bottle and lick my lips nervously.

  My heart races in my chest, and I can feel the familiar pressure of an anxiety attack forming.

  I don’t know what makes me more nervous, having to tell him about Stefano, or the fact that he’s standing half-naked three feet from me.

  “What’s wrong?”

  I glance up and give a half smile, hoping to lighten the mood. “You’re not wearing a shirt.”

  His brows knit when he looks down at his chest, then back up, one brow cocked. “And that’s a problem?”

  “If you want me to put a complete sentence together, then yes.”

  He smiles. The first real smile I’ve seen in days. “I think I’ll keep it off.”

  When he moves towards me, I put my hand up, jerking my eyes from his chest to his face. “You’re mad at me, remember.”

  “I remember.” He places his half-empty beer on the counter, then takes mine from my hand, placing it beside his. “But it still doesn’t change things between us.”

  “It changes everything.” My back bumps against the counter’s edge when he moves in closer.

  “How?” His fingers curl in my hair, pulling my head back until our eyes meet.

  I swallow hard. “We have a daughter together.”

  “We do.” His gaze is piercing. There’s a possessiveness I’ve never seen before. It both excites and terrifies me. “And?”

  “I lied to you.” I’m digging my own grave, but I can’t stop myself.

  “You did.” The muscles in his jaw bunch. “Want to tell me why?”

  Yes. No. “I was scared.”

  “Of me?” His thumb traces the line of my lower lip, and I feel the touch like a blaze throughout my entire body.

  “No.” Closing my eyes, I inhale a slow steady breath. I can’t think when he’s touching me.

  He lowers his head, his fingers tightening in the hair at the nape of my neck. His breath is warm against my lips and I want nothing more than to kiss him. To feel his body against mine.

  I’d beg for it if I didn’t know it was wrong.

  “Are you still afraid?”

  “Yes.”

  His lips cover mine. Soft and gentle. Time freezes. The rest of the world falls away and there’s just us. Theo and Mac.

  Her pulls me tighter and I can feel his erection pressing against the material of his cotton pants.

  My body responds, but my heart protests. I can’t do this. I can’t fall more in love with him. I can’t ache for things I know I can never have. It’ll break me.

  But I’ve never been rational when it comes to Theo.

  My fingers move up his chest, over his shoulders, and down his powerful arms.

  “You don’t have to be afraid of me,” he says, the words vibrating against my lips.

  One large hand roams down my back, gripping my ass, and lifting me towards him.

  I moan, feeling his cock nudge between my thighs. He kisses me harder, deeper, and the taste of him goes straight to my head.

  There’s only the taste of him. The feel of him.

  Every touch and kiss pulses heat, hot and fast through my veins, making me burn for more.

  “Mac?” His voice is dark, husky, full of intent.

  I cling to him, needing more, needing him.

  “This isn’t a game to me.” He pulls back slightly, brown eyes searching mine. “I want us to be together. To be…” His jaw bunches with tension and he breathes heavily through his nostrils. “I want us to be a family.”

  God, I want that too.

  He watches me and I know he expects an answer. But I can’t promise him anything.

  I swallow hard, bringing my trembling hands to his face. “I won’t take Logan from you.”

  It’s the one promise I can give.

  His lips harden momentarily, then he gives a small nod
as if content with my answer.

  “Do you trust me?” One hand is still tangled in my hair, the other grips my waist, lifting me to him.

  “Yes.” It was the truth. But it also wasn’t enough. Trusting Theo couldn’t save me from what was coming.

  His head lowers, lips finding the sensitive area below my jaw, making me shiver.

  “And you want this?” His fingers trail under my shirt, hard and calloused, and feeling like heaven against my skin. When he palms my breast over my lace bra, I can’t help the moan that escapes.

  I’m dizzy. Off balance. My body responsive only to his touch. I’m not sure how my legs are still holding me up.

  “Yes.” I twine my fingers in his hair, pulling his mouth to mine.

  “Say it.”

  “I want you.” He does this to me. Only him. I’ve never wanted anyone else, and I know I never will.

  His lips lift from mine only long enough to pull my shirt over my head. Deft fingers find the clasp of my bra, and it falls to the floor.

  “I’ve wanted you for so fucking long.” He grips my ass, pulling my legs around his waist.

  I can feel that want pressed hard between my legs.

  My hands wrap around his neck as he carries me to his bedroom.

  I whimper when he settles me on the bed and begins to trail a line of kisses down my neck, across my collarbone, teasing my nipples briefly before going lower.

  The button of my jeans snaps open, then the sound of the zipper, before Theo’s fingers find the waist of my pants, pulling them down slowly over my hips and legs.

  Standing over me, he groans, the blacks of his eyes huge.

  “Beautiful.” The word sounds more like a growl.

  Naked before him, I thought I’d be insecure, but the way he looks leaves no room for self-doubt.

  “You’re still wearing too much clothing,” I tease, moving to a kneeling position on the edge of the bed, and trailing my fingers down his chest, resting on the elastic waist.

  “I thought I wasn’t wearing enough.” He gives me a cocky-ass grin that makes me laugh.

  I’ve missed the light banter that used to come so easily.

  I slip my hands under the material and draw it down over his hips.

  “That was then and this–” I suck in a breath as his cock pops free. Holy hell, I forgot how huge he is.

  My mouth goes dry and a tremor of fear goes through me. No wonder it hurt so much the first time.

  “Hey.” He cups my chin and tilts my head up so that I’m looking into his eyes. “I won’t hurt you.”

  Glancing down, I’m not sure.

  I lick my lips and nod, reaching out to wrap my fingers around the width of his big cock. He’s so thick that the tips of my fingers don’t meet.

  “I want to taste you,” I say softly. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to have him in my mouth, feel the silky head against my tongue.

  The groan that vibrates through his chest is deep and guttural. His hard flesh throbs beneath my hand, the heavily ridged length bobbing as if in agreement.

  Lowering myself, I take the darkened crest into my mouth, licking at the tiny bead of precum. He tastes like heaven. Salty and sweet.

  I look up, catching his gaze, and another low moan escapes him. His hands tighten in my hair and I take the heavily ridged length deeper in my mouth, swirling my tongue across the engorged head.

  “God, you’re beautiful. You don’t know how many nights I’ve fantasized about you. About this.”

  I take him deeper, sucking, licking, reveling in his ragged groans and the soft hiss of pleasures on his lips.

  The muscles in his thighs and abdomen tighten and ripple, and I can tell he’s fighting for control, but I don’t want to stop.

  He grips my wrists, lifting me, capturing my mouth with his.

  “Mine,” he says, nipping on my bottom lip. His eyes are dark with desire, watching me beneath heavy lids. “You’re mine, Mac. I won’t let you go.”

  I can’t think about that right now. All I want is to stay in the moment, not worry about the future.

  “I’ve always been yours,” I say breathlessly, as his mouth trails down my throat.

  He growls in approval, and in a heartbeat, I find myself in the center of the bed, the mattress firm against my back.

  Heat whips through me when he pushes my thighs apart with his knees, the heavy length of his cock hot against my stomach. His gaze roams down my body with a look I’ve never seen before.

  Dark.

  Hungry.

  Possessive.

  He hovers over me, careful not to crush me with his full weight. But I want it. Crave it.

  I buck my hips, needing him inside me.

  “Theo.” My voice is a strangled cry.

  “Not yet, sweetheart.” He dips his head lower, sinking between my thighs, until his skilled mouth is working at the sensitive flesh between my legs. His hands grip my hips, driving his tongue deeper, licking, circling, until I am panting, body trembling uncontrollably.

  My hips arch to meet his movements, with an agonizing need to be closer to him, clawing through me.

  “I want you. Now.” I can’t help but arch against him, and when his finger slides inside of me, I throw my head back and let the orgasm that’s been building wash over me in waves.

  “Holy hell, Mac. I could come just watching you.”

  I whimper when he pulls back.

  He crawls up and leans over me, pulling a condom out of the bedside drawer. Ripping the package with his teeth, he rolls it over the long length of his cock.

  I freeze when he positions himself above me, the heavy crest resting between my thighs. Memories of pain make me close my eyes and shiver.

  “Look at me.” His knuckles brush along my cheek, his other hand holding himself steady above me.

  When I open my eyes, he smiles, and there’s so much emotion in his expression I forget to breathe for a long moment.

  He rests his forehead against mine, holding my gaze as he slowly slides inside of me.

  There’s no pain this time, only the intense feeling of being filled completely, stretching me to the point where I ache with the pleasure of it.

  He holds himself tight inside of me, his mouth resting against mine. “You’re so fucking perfect.”

  No. It’s him who’s perfect. I can never be enough. But right now I don’t care. I just want this moment. Even if it’s the only one I get.

  “This is where you belong.” His gaze never leaves me as he pulls out and slams back in. “With me.”

  Gripping his shoulders for support, I gasp at the pleasure of it.

  “Never leave me.”

  I don’t have time to respond, before he thrusts into me again.

  I love you. I need you. The words catch in my throat. The need for him is almost overpowering. I know if I think about it, I’ll freak out.

  Instead, I focus on the pleasure of his body inside me, the weight of him on top of me.

  I never imagined it could be like this. The connection between us is almost tangible. And I know that after tonight, I’ll never survive without him.

  He runs his hand down my thigh, bringing it up around his waist, thrusting deeper. I wrap my fingers in the sheets, bracing myself as he slams into me harder.

  “God, Mac,” he groans, rolling his hips.

  I can’t speak. Electric pleasure shoots through me, sizzling along every nerve. Every motion brings me closer, until I cry out, back arching, body clenching, pulsating around him with my release.

  He slams into me once, twice, then comes hard, my name on his lips.

  “Holy shit.” He collapses on top of me, breathing heavy.

  When he finally rolls over, he brings me with him.

  As I lay spread out across his chest, I know I can trust him with the truth. I also know that there’s no way in hell I’m going to ruin this moment with it.

  Chapter 16

  Theo

  With Mac spread out o
n my chest, I inhale her scent. Breathe her in like a man drowning.

  I could stay here forever. Lost in her.

  “You okay?” I ask, running my fingers down her back. God, her skin is so soft.

  When she doesn’t answer, I flip her over on her back so that she’s pinned beneath me.

  A small gasp escapes her parted lips.

  She stares up at me with those eyes. Amber flecks catch in the evening light. So fucking beautiful. And mine.

  “How long does my mom have Logan?”

  “She’s keeping her overnight.”

  “Good. So you can stay with me.” I kiss her swollen lips, her chin, down her neck, across her collarbone. “I’ll make us dinner and then–”

  I stop when my mouth brushes against a faint, raised scar. Frowning, I trail a finger over the white line that grows wider until it stops just above her breast.

  “What’s this?”

  I feel her body tense under me, and she squirms, trying to pull the sheet over her chest.

  “It’s nothing.”

  More lies. Damn it, even now she still doesn’t trust me.

  “How did you get that?” My voice is a low growl, but I can’t help it. I don’t want there to be any secrets between us. “Mackenzie.”

  Her eyes snap to mine, and I can see emotions warring behind them.

  I sit up, shaking my head.

  My right eye twitches as I stare down at her. “I asked you how you got the scar?”

  “And I told you, it’s nothing.” Her breathing is uneven, eyes wide as she jumps from the bed, grabbing her discarded clothes from the floor. She pulls her shirt over her head quickly, not bothering with her bra.

  Oh, for fuck sake.

  “Where are you going?” I shove my legs into my pants, then follow her to the living room.

  I’m going to get whiplash from her hot and cold spells.

  “I need to have a shower,” she mumbles, not looking at me.

  I grab her hand before she reaches the door. Was she seriously going to run without an explanation?

  She’s hyperventilating now. Her skin ice cold.

  Shit.

  I pull her against my chest, not letting go when she struggles against me. “Calm down.”

  “I-I can’t.” Her voice is edged with panic.